Helping Others Pursue Excellence (HOPE)
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According to the latest census data, more than half of people aged 18 to 24 live with their parents, and roughly 13% of adults ages 24 to 35 do as well. While many of these young people are hard-working individuals, trying to save money to pay off school loans, buy a house, or start a […]
According to the latest census data, more than half of people aged 18 to 24 live with their parents, and roughly 13% of adults ages 24 to 35 do as well. While many of these young people are hard-working individuals, trying to save money to pay off school loans, buy a house, or start a business, some are simply children who remain dependent on their parents, unmotivated to live life on their own. These children, though they may not mean to, can become emotionally and financially draining on their parents.
Here are three warning signs you may have children who are too dependent on you, and three ways you can stop enabling them.
Red Flags
1. You are Responsible for Them
If you find yourself shouldering your adult child’s responsibilities, and he or she is perfectly happy to let you do it, you may have a problem. If your child is non-productive while you take on a second job to pay off his or her debt or pay his car insurance, it may be time to have a talk.
2. Your Child is Constantly Borrowing Money from You
It’s perfectly fine to financially help out your adult child every once in a while. But if your son or daughter is constantly borrowing money from you because they can’t seem to hold down a job, and if they constantly promise to pay it back but never do, this is a red flag.
3. You are Often Disrespected
Young people who are struggling to find their place in the world and start their own life are often moody.. But there is a fine line between a bad mood and blatant disrespect in your direction.
Does your son or daughter seem respectful and even loving when they want or need help from you, and then become disrespectful or passive-aggressive should you say “no” to their requests? Though you may want to give them the benefit of the doubt and pass off this behavior to those bad moods, this is a warning sign that your child is too needy in your direction.
Encourage Independence
It’s important that you encourage your child to be independent. It’s equally important that you remain upbeat and avoid being adversarial when talking with them. Calmness yet firmness will go a long way in setting healthy boundaries in the relationship.
1. Agree on a time limit
Sit down with your child and discuss an exit plan. Yes, they may stay but only for an agreed upon amount of time.
2. Have them contribute
Having no financial responsibilities while living with you will not help your adult child prepare for the real world. Ask your son or daughter to contribute to the monthly expenses. If they are currently unemployed, ask them to do chores like gardening, grocery shopping, or cleaning.
3. Don’t indiscriminately give money
Borrowing money to get on their feet and make a car payment is one thing. But you cannot continue to give your adult child money forever. You may lend money with the understanding it should be paid back.
Sometimes, having a heartfelt discussion with your son or daughter can be difficult. At times like these, it’s often helpful to have a family therapist, a neutral third party, guide the discussion and make sure everyone is heard.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
How long has it been since you checked your Facebook page or Twitter account? If you’re like most people, you use social media many times throughout the day. But while you may think social media is fun, studies have suggested that it can take a toll on our emotions. One such study by researchers at […]
How long has it been since you checked your Facebook page or Twitter account? If you’re like most people, you use social media many times throughout the day.
But while you may think social media is fun, studies have suggested that it can take a toll on our emotions. One such study by researchers at the University of Missouri focused on the effects of Facebook on mental health. They discovered that regular use could lead to symptoms of depression if the site triggered feelings of envy in the user.
Professor Margaret Duffy, a co-author of the research, said about the findings, “If it is used as a way to size up one’s own accomplishments against others, it can have a negative effect.”
Other studies have revealed that most people tend to edit photos and only show the ones that make their lives seem more attractive to others.
It is this constant measuring of ourselves against others that causes unimaginable amounts of grief. I see it on an almost-daily basis. Decent people with much to offer feeling unworthy of happiness because they feel inferior to others. They walk into my office with what appears to be the weight of the world on their shoulders.
I have found much of this weight stems from not feeling as “good, smart, pretty, wealthy, or funny” as others.
If you are now wondering whether maybe your happiness has taken a hit from social media use, here are 5 signs it has:
1. You Need Positive Feedback to Feel Good
Let’s face it, we all love feeling appreciated. It feels good to get that positive feedback when you post a photo or event from your life. But if you find you only have good days on the days you are getting that positive feedback online, you may be depending on social media too much.
2. You’re an Instant Gratification Addict
We have become a society of people who seek out instant gratification. While it’s okay to want instant oats and instant movie streaming, having a need to instantly feel worthy and good through social media is very harmful.
If the promise of instant gratification is driving your desire to post or share bits of your life, you may have become too dependent.
3. You’re Reliving the Popularity Contests All Over Again
I find many of my adult clients care just as much about how many Facebook friends and likes they get as my teenage clients do. It’s as if the adults are reliving the high school popularity contests all over again. At the end of the day, are all of those Facebook friends reallyyour friend?
True happiness is having authentic connections with the loved ones in your life. If you’re paying too much attention to how many online friends you have and not enough on whether or not your face-to-face relationships are healthy, you may have a problem.
The next time you find yourself on your social media sites feeling jealous, envious, or somehow less than the people on those pages, remember that people tend to present very biased accounts of their lives. They, like you, want to measure up to the rest of the world.
Know that every human being is essentially struggling to feel worthy of being alive. It’s something we all seem to have in common. Instead of trying to be better than each other, let’s all instead try to have more compassion for each other.
If you or someone you know is having a hard time with self-worth issues and you’d like to speak to someone, please reach out to me. I’d love to discuss how I may be able to help.
As a parent or caregiver, it can be difficult to know the right thing to say when kids question what we deem to be adult topics. Broaching topics of sexuality can be awkward for both parties, however, it is a necessary conversation to have. When it comes to talking about homosexuality and transgender individuals, children […]
As a parent or caregiver, it can be difficult to know the right thing to say when kids question what we deem to be adult topics. Broaching topics of sexuality can be awkward for both parties, however, it is a necessary conversation to have.
When it comes to talking about homosexuality and transgender individuals, children should be given age-appropriate information so they can better understand and empathize with others. Regardless of whether or not your child is LGBTQIA+, having a conversation about LGBTQIA+ issues will help reduce prejudice while teaching compassion and empathy.
It’s never too late to start a conversation on issues of sexuality with your children. While there may be initial discomfort and reluctance from preadolescent children and older, ultimately having these discussions with your children will help them develop a sense of safety and security with you, while it teaches them tolerance and acceptance.
For young children, the age of 5 is a good time to begin discussing these topics by sharing some basic information with them.
For young children, keep the conversation simple and focus on basic concepts. When talking about homosexuality, you can explain to your child that just as a man and a woman can fall in love, so can a man with a man, and a woman with a woman. When talking about transgender individuals, you can explain that how a person looks on the outside isn’t always how they feel on the inside. You can refer to the familiar adage about “not judging a book by its cover.”
Children should understand the basic concept that even though people may look different than us, they are people just like we are and equally deserving of love, acceptance, and respect.
Your child may have questions that you can’t answer. It’s okay to admit to your child when you don’t know the right answer. This could be a discussion point for later after you’ve done some research, or it could be a good opportunity for you to learn from your child.
Are you a parent in need of parenting advice and support? A trained, licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today, and we can set up an appointment to talk.
The birth of a child is a wondrous and glorious thing. Until you bring that baby home and are responsible for keeping it alive on zero sleep for weeks and weeks. Add to this already trying scenario is the hormonal cocktail the new mother is living with and you understand why some new mothers don’t […]
The birth of a child is a wondrous and glorious thing. Until you bring that baby home and are responsible for keeping it alive on zero sleep for weeks and weeks. Add to this already trying scenario is the hormonal cocktail the new mother is living with and you understand why some new mothers don’t feel so blissful.
While it’s normal for every new mother to feel some stress and irritability in the weeks after giving birth, it is estimated that 9 to16 percent of moms, through no fault of their own, will experience postpartum depression (PPD).
What makes some women more susceptible to PPD than others? It is believed that a combination of things including hormones, genetics, predisposition, support (or lack of), and stress all create a perfect storm to experience PPD.
As if experiencing PPD isn’t hard enough, there are actually a few myths surrounding the condition that can make a new mother feel even worse. Let’s dispel those myths right now:
PPD can actually start while a woman is still pregnant. In fact, it is believed that in 50% of moms experiencing PPD, the symptoms began during pregnancy.
In those instances where PPD does begin after a new mother has given birth, it is not uncommon for symptoms to begin well beyond the first four weeks. This can often take the new mother by surprise.
The truth is, there is an entire collection of postpartum illnesses besides PPD that a woman may experience such as postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, and rarely, but sometimes experienced postpartum psychosis. These are all challenging disorders new moms experience.
Now let’s take a look at some of the common symptoms of PPD so you know what to be aware of.
Not every woman will experience every symptom. But if you are experiencing any of these it’s important that you get help. PPD is very treatable, so it’s important that you recognize the signs, understand that you’re not a bad mother, and reach out for the help you need.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you during this time.
SOURCES:
If you struggle to set goals, let alone reach them, you are definitely not alone. In fact, it is thought that roughly 92% of the population has found it hard to stick to goals. This constant cycle of trying to set beneficial life or health goals, but never quite reaching them, can ultimately lead to […]
If you struggle to set goals, let alone reach them, you are definitely not alone. In fact, it is thought that roughly 92% of the population has found it hard to stick to goals. This constant cycle of trying to set beneficial life or health goals, but never quite reaching them, can ultimately lead to depression.
That’s because reaching goals is empowering and helps us feel we are in charge of our life. When we don’t reach goals, we feel powerless and even hopeless that our lives can change for the better!
Just as you must follow a recipe to the proverbial “T” to end up with something edible, there is a formula that must be followed to the “T” to set reachable goals. This formula is often used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help individuals set and reach goals that will help them change behaviors and better their lives.
Goal setting has actually been shown to be a useful tool for those suffering from depression according to a study published in the journal PLOS ONE. The study found that individuals suffering from depression had more trouble setting goals and were far less likely to believe they could reach them.
The study found that those who were depressed had more difficulties setting goals and they were also less likely to believe they would achieve those goals. The participants also tended to set avoidance goals rather than approach goals.
An avoidance goal is one you set to avoid a negative outcome. “I want to lose weight so I don’t develop type 2 diabetes.” An approach goal, on the other hand, is one that you set to ensure a positive outcome. “I want to lose weight to have more energy!”
The study shows that counseling can help people with depression set and achieve realistic and achievable goals as well as help them stay on track mentally in pursuit of that goal.
The goal-setting formula used by most CBT therapists is as follows:
A therapist can help you with each one of these steps. From ensuring you select realistic goals that are approach goals, to helping you identify where you are in relation to your goal, breaking down the goal into smaller, actionable steps, and helping you take that very first one, a counselor or coach will be in your corner, helping you every step of the way.
Make 2021 the year you reach those goals that will help you live your best life. If you’d like some help getting there, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
These are unprecedented times for the mental health field, and we are learning as we go. Our number one concern is the health and safety of our clients and staff. We have decided to close our office for the remainder of the until May 4, 2020. We will continue to monitor the developing coronavirus situation […]
These are unprecedented times for the mental health field, and we are learning as we go. Our number one concern is the health and safety of our clients and staff. We have decided to close our office for the remainder of the until May 4, 2020. We will continue to monitor the developing coronavirus situation and update you when decisions are made. Telehealth is an option for those that want it. Our therapist and behavior specialist will be available to you by phone or email. Your therapist or behavior specialist will be in touch with you to make arrangements to meet your needs.
In my experience, the words ‘be careful’ tend to go one of two ways – either leading to increased danger or leading to unnecessary caution and anxiety. In the first instance, the words are heard as the equivalent of “no matter what you do NEVER EVER touch that red button!” What does the kid suddenly want to […]
In my experience, the words ‘be careful’ tend to go one of two ways – either leading to increased danger or leading to unnecessary caution and anxiety.
In the first instance, the words are heard as the equivalent of “no matter what you do NEVER EVER touch that red button!” What does the kid suddenly want to do more than anything else? Yup, touch the button!
In the latter case, it’s like having someone next to you suddenly start jumping and screaming as if a poisonous bug (or worse) was on them. The panic becomes contagious and you freak out too.
Neither scenario is particularly helpful so what can you say instead?
Information attained from: Growtherapy: Child & Adolescent Mental Health & Wellbeing
BIG NEWS!!!!! We are pleased to announce H.O.P.E is partnering with Aigen Mental Wellness, a medication prescribing psychiatric nurse practitioner service that provides psychological evaluations and medication prescriptions with frequent checkups. We are very excited to be hosting Jason Dunn every Tuesday starting in August, right here in our office in Lebanon! Aigne Mental Wellness. Please call […]
BIG NEWS!!!!!
We are pleased to announce H.O.P.E is partnering with Aigen Mental Wellness, a medication prescribing psychiatric nurse practitioner service that provides psychological evaluations and medication prescriptions with frequent checkups. We are very excited to be hosting Jason Dunn every Tuesday starting in August, right here in our office in Lebanon! Aigne Mental Wellness. Please call the office today to reserve your consultation with Dr. Dunn.